


Five Times Douglas Richardson Got His Wish, And One Time He Didn't

by Enigel



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Airplanes, Community: cabinpres_fic, Gen, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-28
Updated: 2010-12-28
Packaged: 2017-10-14 04:20:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/145325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enigel/pseuds/Enigel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How (not) to be an MJN captain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Douglas Richardson Got His Wish, And One Time He Didn't

**Author's Note:**

> For [this prompt](http://cabinpres-fic.livejournal.com/728.html?thread=63192).

Back when Douglas got sacked from Air England, he fervently wished that he could find a job as a pilot again. Anything, just to keep flying, because while he was very good at very many things, flying an aeroplane was the only thing he was very good at that would also _pay_ very well.

He got his wish a few months after That Regrettable Misunderstanding with the Chinese customs officers, through the _charming_ Mr Birling. The despicable old soak, after mocking and humiliating Douglas for his misfortune, put him in touch with "a crabby divorcée who's starting a pocket airline."

Mrs. Knapp-Shappey took one good look at his file, one good look at him, then informed him that he would make an _excellent_ first officer for her jet. Douglas sighed and wondered who could possibly make an excellent _captain_ for Mrs. Knapp-Shappey's jet.

 **Jeffrey**

Jeffrey had one excellent quality: the ability to shrink the budget to unprecedented levels while still flying safely. He was an all right pilot - had only taken three goes to get his CPL - and a decent human being.

He was also entirely devoid of any minute trace of any sense of humour.

Carolyn was very fond of his money-saving qualities, and she never had to spend any time with him - she just went on fewer flights.

Douglas tried to tolerate Jeffrey, he really tried, but after a twelve hour night flight when he refused to play Rhyming Airfields, was appalled at the idea of Passenger Derby, and looked blankly at him when he proposed Emergency Haikus, Douglas had just about had it.

He went through his vast array of acquaintances and got Jeffrey an interview at RyanAir, where he was accepted with money-hoarding enthusiasm.

Carolyn gave Douglas the evil eye for weeks, but she couldn't prove anything.

Douglas wished for a captain who wouldn't be unarmed in a battle of wits.

 **Henry**

Henry had a wicked, sometimes even risqué, sense of humour. He got all of Douglas' jokes, laughed at them and came up with his own. He was a good pilot too, clever enough to defer to Douglas' experience when the situation called for it. He was good at appeasing Carolyn's wroth, and he kept the budget more or less balanced. Douglas couldn't have been more pleased with Henry as a captain.

Until he noticed Arthur behaving oddly.

One day, Arthur said: "I don't think I should be going on this trip," with a glum and forlorn expression.

Arthur being gloomy was a rare enough occurrence. Arthur not wanting to fly was unheard of. Douglas inquired further.

"Well, you chaps deserve a _proper_ steward, or even better - a stewardess. A young and competent one. Not like, well, me."

Douglas might have had similar thoughts, back when he first joined MJN, but he surprised himself at the outrage he felt now, seeing Arthur fiddling despondently with his handmade hat.

"Arthur, you haven't come up with this nonsense by yourself. Was it one of the passengers?"

He may not be a bigwig anymore, but he could still get them on the 'special treatment' customs list faster than they could say 'bing-bong'.

"I don't remember his name. Or hers. I didn't say it was a man! Or a passenger. Not saying that he _wasn't_ a passenger!"

After a few more attempts at misdirection, Douglas extracted the name of the guilty part: Henry.

"It's just... You like him, and he's brilliant, really."

Douglas frowned.

The next day, Carolyn scowled.

The day after that, Henry was looking for a new job, and Carolyn for a new captain.

Douglas wished for one who could still pass muster on his rather generous standards for what constituted a 'decent human being', while not failing his higher standards for wit.

 **Steven**

Steven was, in Douglas' never humble opinion, a brilliant pilot. He shrugged at and ignored the same boring bits of rules and regs that Douglas found redundant, he had dozens of entertaining stories from his flight school days (so fun that it didn't matter just how strictly they adhered to factual reality), and he was never nasty to Arthur. He turned a blind eye to Douglas' eccentricities (like, say, transporting 500 euros worth of olives stuffed with caviar for a dear friend in Brussels) and even gave him a few tips, although he never seemed interested in the financial side of aviation himself. He often disappeared with a hostess or two during their layovers, but he was never egregiously late for work (not when it mattered; standbys didn't count, anyway).

The honeymoon lasted about three weeks, about as long as it took Carolyn to join them on a flight.

After the flight, she took Douglas aside for questioning.

"I became suspicious when Arthur proclaimed flying to be more brilliant than the Nemesis, _in the same way_ that SAW - The Ride is more brilliant than the Nemesis. Douglas, never since the rather traumatic birth of my son have I been so convinced I was going to Meet My Maker any second now! How on Earth did you let him touch Gertie?!"

Douglas was surprised to learn that, as far as Carolyn was concerned, Steven was a madman who'd tricked his way into making her think he was the safe pilot she'd been looking for. Thinking back on their flights, Douglas had to admit that there was a certain... incautious quality about Steven's approach to aviation, even though he personally found "daredevil who'll kill us all" a rather strong phrasing for it.

Carolyn ousted Steven unceremoniously. Last Douglas had heard of him, he was doing something insanely risky somewhere in Antarctica. He sent Arthur a RollerCoaster World postcard, once in a while.

Douglas wished for a normal, well adjusted pilot, for a change.

 **Ron**

The reason for Ron's all-too-brief stay with MJN was a mystery to the day.

He was a normal human being and a normal pilot; he exhibited an average sense of humour and a somewhat higher than average intelligence. He was friendly to Arthur, polite with Carolyn, respectful of Douglas' experience, and not shy of joining in the typical MJN on-board entertainment. He'd taken his CPL after a mere two attempts, and was fully aware of the reasons for which he'd been hired as a captain rather than a first officer.

And yet, every time he tried to pilot the plane, something went wrong - either a button wouldn't press, a lever wouldn't move, or a fuel pump would get clogged; even bits that had just been checked and rechecked would malfunction under Ron's hand.

"I guess Gertie just doesn't like him," Arthur concluded - somewhat regretfully, because Ron always had a Toblerone or some other treat for him, and let Arthur decorate his captain's hat at will.

To this day, Douglas would swear he hadn't sabotaged Ron in any way, and Carolyn had to admit she'd never seen Douglas utterly and honestly baffled before, and even a little apprehensive around Gertie.

It was true that Ron was often disdainful of the aircraft, and even Douglas, despite his frequent jibes about Gertie's precarious health, had bristled at calling her a "rusty tin can" or "flying coffin".

Ron handed in his resignation and a last tablet of chocolate for Arthur, and went to work on an impersonal and less temperamental flying machine at BlueAir.

Douglas looked up into the skies, which were grey and drizzling, and wished for a captain, any kind of captain, whom they could all like and keep.

The next week Carolyn introduced him to a chap called Martin.

 **Martin**

Back when Douglas got sacked from Air England, he fervently wished for _two_ things: that he could find a job as a pilot again, and that he would be a captain.

He got his first wish a few months after That Regrettable Misunderstanding. As for the second one...

  
They're all gathered in the portacabin, around a cake whimsically decorated by Arthur, though thankfully not baked by him. They're celebrating Martin's fifth anniversary as MJN's captain.

Martin gathers an enormous breath, and then huffs and puffs. The five candles go out, but the flames are transferred to the paper napkins. Douglas laughs uproariously while he puts out the small fire; then he hugs Martin and congratulates him, and doesn't make any more wishes.


End file.
